Other

Before I focus on the subject of this blog I want firstly to record the changes that it is my intention to make between the first and second portrait in terms of colour and technique:

• grid system for sketching - remained in place with a 20% increase in size from original photograph. More considered initial sketching as the eye becomes more spatially aware of the proportions and placement of the facial features - with the first I sketched and re-sketched as the piece evolved in order to create likeness but with the second I see a sense of my self from the outset.
  

• restrictive colour palette - with the first the 3 primary colours used were yellow ochre, Paynes grey (for a dark blue) and a cool crimson red plus white and where required black. However, olive green, aluminium and blue greys, process yellow, dioxazine purple and a range of browns including burnt umber, sepia and seal (a deep almost black toned brown) were added to create depth and shadow plus a mixture of browns/greys for the hair colour. However, with this new portrait my working primaries are cool toned Prussian blue, raspberry red and zine yellow with a secondary set consisting of the original yellow ochre, crimson plus ultramarine blue - Payne's grey becomes the black substitute. The only exceptions to this palette are again white plus a small range of browns and greys for the hair colour - my hair naturally is a soft mix of mid-light toned browns, blonde and grey-white so creating this mix with only primaries is potentially doable but unquestionably for this portrait difficult so I admit to taking the easier route (I am picking my battles carefully!).

• disruption: the intent at the point of creation of this piece is to disrupt the realism albeit partially to create a distinct narrative that speaks of othering or otherness in respect of the differences between that of my artistic relationship and a sense of personal self. The self here becomes represented by the disruption due to the change in technique and materials as I switch from pastel pencils to soft pastels, disrupting lines, tones, colour and form to hint at...

  • something more personal,

  • something hidden,

  • and something unsaid .... it is something that is a part of but separate from the artist self,

    • it came before

    • yet it impacts upon

    • it remains

    • it is hidden and yet seen - a viewer may see it and yet not see it until it is explicitly pointed out

    • is it one thing or is it a multiplicity of differing others?

Note the word 'intended' in the first sentence as intention and action theoretically within artistic creativity enable the development of a piece but due to that evolution are also subject to change. My intent in terms of the grid system and disruption became active actions but this was not the case in terms of the restricted palette: difficulty occurred due to what I understand is my neurodiverse difficulty with the colour wheel particularly where subtleties of tone and shade are required or the 'simple' mixing of primary hues to make browns or greys in order to create shadows. I specifically recognise the neurodiversity as a disruption - it disrupts, discombobulates and frustrates in equal measure during the artistic process creating a sense of otherness within me. My sense of self metamorphosizes into a sense of otherness which is described on dictionary.com as "the state or fact of being different or distinct." or "the quality or state of being perceived or treated as different, foreign, strange, etc.:". I therefore refer to a neurodiverse otherness in which the neurodiversity becomes distinct from both my artistic self and my personal self through being both intrinsically entwined and yet also separate. I further recognise separation between self, artistic self and neurodiverse self and yet I acknowledge they are constituent parts of the same but which becomes the dominant 'self' and which become the inferior 'others'? Othering is described by Brons (2015) as:

"Othering is the construction and identification of the self or in-group and the other or out-group in mutual, unequal opposition by attributing relative inferiority and/or radical alienness to the other/out-group." With this statement in mind I ask whether we as individuals construct 'others' within our own personalities? I state here I am not referring to multiple personalities (as in a medical disorder) but the intentional separating of different elements of our personalities, of our self's, such as our personal and professional lives. By even stating 'personal' or 'professional' I immediately state two separate senses of one self as the two elements of a person's life become distinct and idealistically, to create a holistically preferred balance, completely disconnected and autonomous. Therefore, if I am to take a subjective, rather than objective view, I would argue that the self, my self, the personal self becomes the dominant force - it is who I am, what I am and the self with primary agency; but unquestionably the neurodiverse other impacts upon that agency and impacts upon the subsequent constituent actions. If however, I take an objective view, from the point of an outside other, as if separating my self from my physical and mental body then there is the argument that it is the neurodiversity that has prominence, but perhaps not totally dominant, agency: it is the self that dictates interaction with the social world whether that is direct or indirect, or how the personal self is 'seen' due through masking, preference of indirect contact (telephone, online Zoom or Googlemeet meetings etc) or simply the way a self-portrait is drawn. The neurodiverse prominence is the one which questions over what is revealed or concealed within a self-portrait as it attempts to mask the personal self from what it feels is a disrupted and, I use the word again, discombobulating world. However, where does this leave the artistic self? the self that has dictated, informed or perhaps even governed this investigation? could it be argued that this is ultimately the self that has prominent agency therefore 'relegating' the intertwined personal self and neurodiverse self's to that of others - the artistic self creating a process of othering.

This brings me back to the point of me saying " as intention and action can be considerable different" as my initial choice of a restricted palette of primary colours plus Paynes grey, white and a range of browns for the hair colour were determined by the personal self .... me .... but by giving that self agency I negated the agency of the artist and the knowledge gained that enabled the growth and continued evolution of that artistic self. Very quickly it became evident it became evident that although theoretically I could mix the required palette of skin colours I admit to struggling with doing so - the intent, that is a consecution of creation, remains but can only be manifested through experience in the coming weeks. At the point of this second portrait the watching of videos by Dave Porter (2023) reinforced the instinctive usage within of my first portrait of using secondary colours including orange and greens plus brown (which is a shade of orange in itself) creating effective action within the work whilst also enabling considerably easier mixing of neutral greys and browns. Intention and action relating directly to the materials in themselves become part of the intra-active becomings as they are constitutive entities sharing responsibility: each impacts upon the other equally therefore enabling the artistic self to have agency that takes responsibility for individual decisions made during the artistic process including an acceptance of a need to increase skill-sets in terms of the mixing of colours on the page. As I write, I question whether the awareness of a sense of self, or academic artistic training has enabled the critical analysis of skills whether they are of a high or low value? by identifying vulnerabilities and gaps within knowledge it enables intent and action to come into play in order to push artistic boundaries forward within a continued learning process but is the critical analysis also reflecting upon the artistic relationship and my sense of self?

As the piece matured I recalled the work of a former tutor and artist Michele Whiting and specifically a lecture, during MA studies, whereby she talked about how she had to consider what to keep in or leave out of the work that resulted from walking studies? what experiences can manifest themselves or be encountered by the viewer (Whiting, s.d.)? Each mark I make, each layer of colour I add is not done automatically but observationally and intentionally as I work from both a digital photograph and physical image but I accept, or perhaps reflect, on how it is done through the memory of what my own face has experienced ..... but ..... "through the memory of what my own face has experienced" is in itself revealing as the marks, colours, tones, values and lines disclosed elements of my life that mean my personal self subconsciously impacted upon the artistic self influencing and externalising memories through exaggerated and expressive use of marks, colours and tones on one side of the face. Porter states (2023) in his teaching videos of letting go of conscious thought in order to let the piece appear, within what appears to be a holistic working method, but in doing so the portrait reveals a sense of self that is older, perhaps you could even say as battered by life experiences with marks creating narratives that may be, or are, metaphoric as opposed to reminiscent of personal memories and experiences. Furthermore, an artistic self awareness leads me to understand that I often push the boundaries of processes to their outer limits before pulling back and re-working through a distorting of marks and disruption of intense observation. Whiting states: "Within my practice, I use my lenses or mediums as a broad language of gesture, which maps, colour, form and movement as a way to reveal perceptual change" (s.d.) - these words, read and remembered from academic studies I question subconsciously informed the intent to disrupt this second portrait? How could I use colour, form and movement to reveal change or perhaps conceal areas of life? Within academia I researched and explored Disrupted Realism movement proposed by John Seed and which is described in his 2019 book as: ".... a term that describes works of art made by artists who have deviated from the norms of realism. These deviations, which may involve one or more formal elements - such as a line, form, and colour - are made intentionally, often through improvisation, to serve expressive purposes. By "disrupting" and expanding the tradition of realism, artists may suggest time, memory and individual experience or refer to digital, photographic, or cinematic sources. It is a subjective approach to painting that favors perception over seeing and embraces subjectivity."

Therefore by disrupting the realism seen within the first portrait the artistic self is giving the viewer to opportunity to subjectively, rather objectively view, the work thereby creating opportunities to perceive the narrative differently to what the artistic, i.e. me, intends at the point of its creation. I recall a question during the latter part of MA studies whereby we were asked at what point did we give agency to the viewer, to an audience, and in doing so relinquished our own agency? I would argue that during the artistic process the artistic self retains agency of the work as during the creative process we retain control over our own actions and in doing so I find my self accepting the subconscious intra-actions of the neurodiverse self and self. The artistic agency is ultimately a sum of its co-constituent parts which in itself perhaps answers my question of how my artistic relationship, the artistic self, is impacted upon or relates to my personal sense of self. However, at the point the work is seen by public others, the artist relinquishes that agency to that of the curator or audience to subjectively perceive the work in the manner of their choosing particularly if the artist makes the conscious decision not to add a specific explanatory narrative.

My intent with this new body of work is to explore the artistic relationship with a sense of self but it has already become something more - it is enabling me to critically analyse my working processes, the gaps in my knowledge but also to work introspectively as I explore a personal landscape:

• the landscape of my face - an increasingly geographical map of the lines of age;

• the landscape of experiences that show within my sense of self and are reflected upon the contour lines of age reminiscent of those relating to cartography;

• the landscape of health, diet and our bodily functions - the skin on our face being both an organ and an external protector of internal organs which in turn reflects what is happening on, within and around;

• the landscape of life .... the face reflects upon life, is seen by life and is part of life;

• the landscape of artistic form, colour, line, tone, values and so forth - when broken down what is depicted on the page is a two-dimensional study and exploration of a three dimension object even if that object is my own face.

By critically analysing and thereby understanding this exploration, albeit still at a relatively early stage, I realise that the project, for that is what it now is, is moving in a phenomenological direction as I am experiencing it from a first person view. Woodruff defines phenomenology as ...

"... the study of structures of experience, or consciousness. Literally, phenomenology is the study of “phenomena”: appearances of things, or things as they appear in our experience, or the ways we experience things, thus the meanings things have in our experience." (2018) I have to ask whether the phenomenology:

• a separate line of enquiry to the investigation between the artistic relationship and self

• an intertwined and entwined investigation that in itself is part of the intra-active becomings of the project

• or merely part of a rhizomatic evolution of the project? the rhizomatic thinking of which I am yet to address I feel, strongly subjectively, without objective analysis, plays its part undoubtedly as ultimately each piece creates time to think, time to let the mind work subconsciously but also becomes part of the intent at the point of creation of the one that follows.

For now I must finally address the other, that is the title of this blog - the final piece is a disruption of the other that depicts not my neurodiversity, or indeed the memories and experiences I chose, consciously, to conceal but something else. I photographed it intentionally, rather than film its making, to give the artistic self agency over what is seen, as I have stated above and in doing so revealed an intent to further study phenomenology which may, or may not, be the subject of a separate blog without artistic input, in order to deepen understanding - the disruption of the final piece conceals and reveals more than I initially expected. It revealed memories, experiences but at its core the piece reveals how:

"The central structure of an experience is its intentionality, its being directed toward something, as it is an experience of or about some object. An experience is directed toward an object by virtue of its content or meaning (which represents the object) together with appropriate enabling conditions." (Woodruff, 2018) The conditions and experiences of life become part of the intent of disruption and within this piece is a reference, one which the self, my self, again has agency over with a conscious choice over whether I reveal its final narrative? it is a narrative that has shaped the self and the artistic self and is the reason behind academic study but as with many of life's experience it remains deeply personal. The neurodiverse self within the self is known to over-share but recent recognition of this 'fault', for that is what I see it as rightly or wrongly, informs me, informs my self, almost as a separate entity that the artistic self and therefore this blog and the work does not require the information - in itself these words become part of the disruptive marks as they are injected with the emotions of vocalisation and internalisation or externalisation. The resolution of the portrait reflects a softening of the disruptive marks that pulls back the distortion of the right hand side of the face and restricting it from the eye to the neck - an area in which there exists a scar in reality. I decided against complete masking within this piece - partly out of fear of pushing the disruption beyond what I felt ready to do and partly out of wanting to continue to increase my skill set in terms of the drawing of the fact. I maybe working from one singular image but within that image I accept I am studying facial structures, skin tones and drawing methods with each one developing skill-sets in a repetitive act that has been done by countless artists across generations and time. Within the piece I recognise a sense of my self but I also see something that exists beyond that self - a burgeoning understanding of what exists between the artistic relationship and self but that co-exists with the neurodiverse self. I continue to separate the differing 'self's' in order to differentiate between what I consider to be others within my self to enable the critical analysis of this relationship.

BIBLIOGRAPHY:

About: Other (philosophy) (s.d.) At: https://dbpedia.org/page/Other_(philosophy) (Accessed 15/07/2024).

Brons, L. (2015) 'Othering, An Analysis' In: Transcience, a Journal of Global Studies 6 pp.69–90.

Centre, T. E. (2020) Who is ‘The Other’? - An Explainer By The Ethics Centre. At: https://ethics.org.au/ethics-explainer-the-other/ (Accessed 15/07/2024).

Dictionary.com | Meanings & Definitions of English Words (2024) At: https://www.dictionary.com/browse/otherness (Accessed 15/07/2024).

Doubková, N., Preiss, M. and Sanders, E. M. (2024) 'Unpacking the Concept of Otherness: Philosophical and Psychological Perspectives' In: Integrative Psychological & Behavioral Science 

How to Mix SKIN TONES using PASTEL Sticks & Pencils | Portrait Study... Narrated Tutorial. (2023) At: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xBkMVC8QYY (Accessed 15/07/2024).

INSPIRATION: DISRUPTED REALISM WITH JOHN SEED (2020) At: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8Ch7CEcVvo (Accessed 15/07/2024).

Michele Whiting (@michwhiting) • Instagram photos and videos (s.d.) At: https://www.instagram.com/michwhiting/ (Accessed 15/07/2024).

Network, A. (2018) What Colors Make Gray? | Color Mixing with the Primary Colors. At: https://www.artistsnetwork.com/art-techniques/demonstrations/what-colors-make-gray/ (Accessed 12/07/2024).

Seed, J. (2019) Disrupted Realism Paintings for a Distracted World. Atglen, PA, USA: Schiffer Publishing.

Smith, D. W. (2018) 'Phenomenology' In: Zalta, E. N. (ed.) The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. (Summer 2018) Metaphysics Research Lab, Stanford University. At: https://plato.stanford.edu/archives/sum2018/entries/phenomenology/ (Accessed 15/07/2024).

space place practice • Michele Whiting (s.d.) At: http://spaceplacepractice.com/michele-whiting.html (Accessed 15/07/2024).

What Colors Make Brown? How to Mix Brown (2019) At: https://thevirtualinstructor.com/blog/what-colors-make-brown-how-to-mix-browns (Accessed 12/07/2024).

Who said “The whole is greater than the sum of the parts”? (2019) At: https://se-scholar.com/se-blog/2017/6/23/who-said-the-whole-is-greater-than-the-sum-of-the-parts (Accessed 15/07/2024).